Relationships

We are all seeking connection. Whether it is with ourselves or others, we are searching for supportive relationships.

Our relationships are fundamental. Our inner growth depends on it. How we treat ourselves and others impacts physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

Relationships come in many different forms. They can be friendly, positive, supportive, sexual, emotional, and playful, but they can also be detrimental, unfavourable, draining and costly in many ways.

Human connection

Human connection is a big part of the healing journey. Establishing a supportive and lasting relationship can make a big difference. But how do we maintain a relationship that will see us through hardships and successes? Sometimes, we can relate to another person right away. Other times, it can take a while. Many of us will have some very old friends. These friends may have stuck with us through thick and thin. Some of us may have recently made a new friend, and they seem to be the person we need at this moment in time. The point here is that for a friendship to work, there must be a 50/50 effort from both sides.

50/50 rule in relationships

We all give and take. To offer and receive is a process of nature. We see this every day. For balance to be in place, what we receive we must give back. The 50/50 rule is present in lasting friendships. If we take all the time without giving back, we deplete our resources. Using someone as a crutch is no way to create a balanced environment for us both to grow. Just as we seek help, we must also offer help. Effort will not come into play when we see the other person as our equal. Our assistance should be readily available, just as theirs should be for us.

Expectations 

We will never be satisfied if we expect an outcome. The result will either exceed or fall under the expectations we had. Expectations also add extra pressure for either ourselves or others. We might expect a certain standard and are either pleasantly surprised or feel let down depending on the result. Remove expectations, and we will remove suffering. Expect nothing, yet welcome everything. 

Perspective 

It is good practice to obtain perspective on our affiliations. We can do this by removing ourselves from the situation in which the relationship is most present. I have found that it is not until I have taken myself out of a situation, that I have discovered the answers that were always right in front of me. If you are not feeling your best in your relationship with yourself or others, remove yourself and take another perspective. Meditation can help tremendously in obtaining a different viewpoint.

Toxic Friendships 

Sometimes, we have to make a tough decision to end a relationship. If we put all our efforts into an affair yet obtain nothing in return, perhaps it is time to let that relationship go. We do not necessarily need to get something back in return for our efforts. If we feel satisfied or comforted that our efforts have helped another, then by all means, continue, but try to notice if a relationship is draining you and if you would be better off without it. We have only so much energy, and it is beneficial to note what we use energy for. If a relationship is exhausting, perhaps we are not, at this moment in time, currently ready for the task at hand.

Gut Feeling

When unsure if a relationship is working, our gut is a great area to place our awareness. In Japanese tradition, they refer to this point in the body as The Hara. The feeling we have in our gut when we want to decide will usually guide us to the right outcome. If the sensation in our gut is unsettling, perhaps we should not advance in the same way with the relationship. Our gut can also tell us who to trust and when to walk away.

Talking

What words are we saying, and what impact do they have? We must realise the effect our words have on our bodies and minds. Many of us may have heard the phrase, ‘You wouldn’t speak to yourself like that, so why speak to someone else this way.’ We must love ourselves before we can truly love another. Let us support ourselves, our bodies and minds by being kind to them. By speaking kindly, we can change our moods and maintain a positive outlook for longer. 

Time

Give relationships time. It is a common occurrence that, in this fast-paced society, we forget to meet up with friends, receive a call or reply to a message. Give your friends your time, this is the most precious resource we have. Be with them with your full attention. Remove distractions and give them and yourself your undivided time. Listen to their words and respond if necessary. Often listening is enough.

Conclusion

In conclusion, how we relate to ourselves and others shapes our world. If we want a connected society, loving and supportive, we must manifest this within ourselves and encourage others to do the same. If we focus on our prosperity, we will naturally connect to the well-being of others. As always, the information given here is from my own experiences. Find what resonates and leave the rest behind. Our lives are constantly changing and evolving. It is my hope that some of these words lead us to the next step in evolution. Below are a few practices that have helped me at certain times. Take a read, make use of these words and explore.

Practices 

There are various practices of self-healing. Through the power of establishing a loving relationship with ourselves and others, we can heal the world. Here are a few techniques that we can use to give us the best chance of creating a supportive environment not only within us but around us.

Speak loving words. Tell yourself how you want to feel. Repeat aloud or mentally, “I am happy, I am joyful, I am complete.” You may see yourself lifted to a higher state of consciousness. 

Manifest. Bring in everything that makes you happy. Fill the mind with all the things that make you truly happy. If stillness is your happy place, allow all thoughts to subside through meditation.

Meditation. In Sivananda yoga, we practice Japa Meditation. Japa is the practice of repeating a mantra whilst keeping the mind focused on the heart or eyebrow centre. This practice allows our whole system to fill with the mantra we are repeating and embody the qualities of the deity we focus on. We host weekly meditation classes both online and in-person.

Share. Share your honest thoughts and feelings with yourself and your best friend. Write them down and hide nothing. Although this might be difficult, we may find a deep release of hidden tension and secrets. These secrets will keep us weighed, and to release them is essential to our healing journey.